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She hits.

She’s always hit. My first memory was of her hitting. The rage, it builds up inside her every time she takes a breath. I don’t even think she knows what she does when she does it and I know she doesn’t know even after it’s done and the bruises are there to show her. Denial is her best friend. It comforts her and gives her freedom. An illusion in her mind where accidents always happen around her regardless of fault, it’s none if her own. She’s sorry you feel that way and that you misbehaved. She’s sorry they couldn’t follow simple instructions and eventually forced her to lose her temper and she’s sorry the end result was an accident you caused yourself. She ends all confrontation with an okay you’re right or a fist fight. No ownership except for those who she comes to save. Rescuing is somehow redemption in her mind. Redemption for things she’ll never outright admit and she’s good at letting other draw conclusions from her twisted perceptions. Emotional unavailability is a breeding ground for hate for herself and secretly you too. Be careful, she hits and if she does it again, I will lose my kids and she might lose hers as well. From this moment on, as a mother, I cannot allow them to be in her presence and that is both a blessing and a horror.

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Well I guess I’ll just go home

And after the storm,
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up, I look up,
on my knees and out of luck,
I look up.

Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won’t rot, I won’t rot
Not this mind and not this heart,
I won’t rot.

And I took you by the hand
And we stood tall,
And remembered our own land,
What we lived for.

And there will come a time, you’ll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And now I cling to what I knew
I saw exactly what was true
But oh no more.
That’s why I hold,
That’s why I hold with all I have.
That’s why I hold.

I won’t die alone and be left there.
Well I guess I’ll just go home,
Oh God knows where.
Because death is just so full and man so small.
Well I’m scared of what’s behind and what’s before.

And there will come a time, you’ll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And there will come a time, you’ll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

After the storm – Mumford & Sons

best thing

jack’s love seven

Seventh Edition of my favorite Jack Vettriano paintings.

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Seventh Edition

clean. innocent. beautiful.

Stunning photos.

Clean.

Innocent.

Beautiful.

Pure.

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