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She hits.

July 18, 2011

She’s always hit. My first memory was of her hitting. The rage, it builds up inside her every time she takes a breath. I don’t even think she knows what she does when she does it and I know she doesn’t know even after it’s done and the bruises are there to show her. Denial is her best friend. It comforts her and gives her freedom. An illusion in her mind where accidents always happen around her regardless of fault, it’s none if her own. She’s sorry you feel that way and that you misbehaved. She’s sorry they couldn’t follow simple instructions and eventually forced her to lose her temper and she’s sorry the end result was an accident you caused yourself. She ends all confrontation with an okay you’re right or a fist fight. No ownership except for those who she comes to save. Rescuing is somehow redemption in her mind. Redemption for things she’ll never outright admit and she’s good at letting other draw conclusions from her twisted perceptions. Emotional unavailability is a breeding ground for hate for herself and secretly you too. Be careful, she hits and if she does it again, I will lose my kids and she might lose hers as well. From this moment on, as a mother, I cannot allow them to be in her presence and that is both a blessing and a horror.

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From → hate, rantz

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